Matters of the heart.

Two beautiful babies were born today and two sweet pregnancy announcements filled my Facebook.  Happiness and pain encompass me tonight.

The theme of my week has revolved around breath.  In yoga, you focus your attention on the breath.  {in and out. in and out}  I picked up a copy of Thich Nhat Hanah’s Happiness which starts with conscious breathing.  “Regardless of our internal weather,” he writes, “our thoughts, emotions, and perceptions – our breathing is always with us like a faithful friend.  Whenever we feel carried away, sunk in deep emotion, or caught in thoughts about the past or the future, we can return to our breathing to collect and anchor our mind.”  I’ve been drawn to the Awareness of Breath Meditation my Aunt left me a few weeks ago.

My mind gets thrown into a million different directions when I think about the fact that I’ve been so focused on breath this week when my sweet child never took one of his own.  Sam was born in silence.  Stillness.  It was a matter of his heart.

Tonight I had a friend visit me at home.  She sat on my couch and gave me a beautiful gift.  She told me Sam’s life matters.  Not mattered {past tense} but matters still.  And she’s right.  And I needed the affirmation today.  We shared stories of our sons, both who have passed, and their hearts.  Fifteen years ago, the weekend Sam was born, my father committed suicide.  Tonight we talked about how death doesn’t define our children – or my dad- but their hearts.  And what sweet hearts they have.

I take refuge in what the Bible says about our hearts.  Acts 15:8 tell us “God knows people’s hearts..”  What’s true for me – is true for Sam – is true for my new friend and her son – is true for my Dad.  “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)  I am so thankful God doesn’t see things the way I do sometimes.  Without His all sufficient grace, my heart lacks.  But even still, we’re called – (Romans 10:10) “For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God..”

Life is a matter of the heart.  Death is a matter of the heart.  In life, we breathe and are called to believe.  In death, we cease and our hearts are revealed in front of us to God.  In the meantime, I rest knowing “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”  {Psalm 34:18}  God knows my broken heart.  He sees it and because of it, He is close to me {and my friend} and you.

A long time ago, an old pastor of mine gave a sermon on Psalm 46:10.  He showed it to us this way and it’s always stuck out to me.  Tonight as I typed it out, I took note of the shape – a heart.  May our hearts be {still} and know that He is God.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am.

Be still and know.

Be still.

Be.