The life that should have been.

Wishing a peace filled day to Max and his parents. This Mama captures so perfectly the love we have for our little boys that at times, can seem so far away.

“I will grieve for the rest of my life for everything he was and everything he could have been. ..All I can do is hold him in my heart, all I can do is celebrate surviving, is celebrate the change he has made in my life. I do not love him an ounce less than I would have if he were sat giggling in my arms. Today, though our world is far from what it should have been, I celebrate that love.”

Looking for Stars

Max is growing up in my mind. It’s not an unexpected fact. I knew from other bereaved parents that it was likely to happen, and yet the extent and clarity of it has been simultaneously a comfort and a torture.

He should be 6 months old today.

In the real world it’s a sad milestone. It’s 6 months and a day since our worlds fell apart. It’s 6 months and a day since his heart stopped beating and since ours shattered into a million pieces.  It is 6 months since I gave birth to him, since I first looked at his beautiful face, since the ear shattering silence of that moment finally confirmed that there had been no mistake, that the ridiculous, unthinkable news we had heard 24 hour earlier was true, that we would never hear his cry or see his smile.

In a quiet but insistent partition of…

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