I haven’t blogged in a couple of weeks. Mostly because life has kept us busy and that’s something to celebrate! The last few weeks have felt magical. We flew to Naples, Florida and stayed at Ted’s parents house just the two of us. I didn’t realize how refreshing and rejuvenating the trip would be until the first night we got there. While we carried Sam with us in our hearts, it was nice to just ‘get away’.
We chartered a fishing boat & caught some delicious lunch.
We spent time at the gulf on our favorite beach & wrote Sam’s name in the sand.
We enjoyed movies on rainy days.
And we were able to spend an evening catching up with great friends who greeted us with so much love and happiness.
When we returned from our vacation, we met with our counselor. (yay! We finally found one this Mama loves) He’s a chaplain with Hosparus and well versed in grief. I shared with him how enjoyable our trip was to Naples and he responded with, “It sounds like you liked it because it provided a sense of normalcy.” And what a perfect word. No one knew us – no one gave us the sad eyes or the “I’m sorry life is so rough” head tilt. People just accepted us and our happiness. We had a week to feel normal & it was nice.
This past weekend was my cousin Courtney’s wedding! We had such a fun time celebrating hers and Eric’s love & happiness.
After meeting with our counselor and realizing how much I appreciate normalcy I made the decision to cut my maternity leave short and head back to work. While I am slightly anxious to go back – I’m mostly ready for the normalcy of it. This Wednesday I’ll be at work for a few hours to hang out & see some co-workers. I’ll be accepting hugs and will probably shed a few tears. I’ll have my first full day of work on Thursday. I’m actually looking forward to it all. I miss the building full of people who have endured life with Ted and me over the last ten weeks.
Because I’m an open book and so many of you have reached out to me and shared with me that you read my blogs, I feel it necessary to share one personal thing. About a month ago, I told Ted over dinner how sometimes it felt like I was only living for him. That the rest just didn’t matter. Being the strong, loving husband that he is – he encouraged me to talk to our OB about it. She hooked me up with a kind, gentle and very intuitive Doctor who decided it would be best to start taking some anti-depressants for awhile. Those of you who know me personally know I don’t even like taking Advil. 🙂 But listening to her is the best decision I’ve ever made.
Using her words, it’s given me some “power” over my grief. One thing I’ve realized about grief is how all-consuming it can become. Losing Sam is the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. Our sweet baby means the world to me and my Mama heart. Grief, no matter who is lost, is similar when it’s someone you love. If you’re grieving, if you can’t control your sadness, I pray you reach out to someone. You’re not alone in your grief. There’s always help, and always someone who loves you, because I do. I understand.
Life can offer happiness & normalcy during such a hard season of your life and mine. And for that, I am thankful.