Grief.

I’ve been crying tonight.  I laid next to Ted in bed and shared how sad I feel.  I told him that the last time I remember being genuinely happy was on my birthday two years ago.

Ted took me to Madison, Indiana for the weekend where we were carefree in our celebrations.  As life has it, it’s the weekend Sam was conceived. 

It’s hard to remember the person I was before I became a Mom.  It’s hard to fully accept the person I have become as a loss Mom.  

I’d like to think that I’m good at finding joy – even in my pain.  But sometimes grief gets me.

Grief is ugly.  Grief is unkind.  Grief weighs on your soul.  Grief is physically exhausting.  Grief ages you.  Grief has a way of tearing you and testing you.

Enduring grief is not for the faint of heart.