Energy Movements.

I watched a documentary the other night in bed called E-Motion.  It delved into how our emotions affect our physical bodies.  It was a new insight that our emotions are really just energy movements within our bodies.  I shared on Instagram how I loved being reminded that I co-create my life and if it’s healing I’m after – I have everything already inside me to do so.

Ted yogied with me in our basement two nights ago.  I chose the video “Yoga for Happiness”.  At the beginning of the video the teacher encouraged us to silently choose an ‘I am’ statement and carry it with us throughout our practice.  We didn’t share our statements with each other until last night before we went to dinner with friends.  I chose I am content.

I love the ‘I am’ statements.  Generally, I carry them with me off the mat too.  The word content just came to me as I stood on my mat about to begin a practice on happiness.  I’d venture to say that without contentment, happiness is hard(er).

I shut my Facebook down again this week.  It’s difficult to be content when you think or know something is missing from your life that it seems like everyone else has.  In my case, it’s living children.  But we all have something, don’t we?  Something we desire or had planned that doesn’t go our way when we want it to?  So I silenced it the best I could, because it wasn’t serving me in my desire to be content with my life now and to heal.

I’ve felt an overwhelming need for calm in my life.  I sat outside on a blanket today in my front yard reading The Path of the Yoga Sutras by Nicolai Bachman, which was recommended to me by a friend.  He says, “The heart-mind stores our experiences, including emotions, in memory, and over time uses this information to construct an identity that defines who we think we are.”  Who we think we are.

The first time someone proposed I write an ‘I am’ statement was earlier this year at Landon’s Legacy Retreat.  I sat on the dock with the most beautiful mothers and we shared/noted each others statements.  I wrote, I am enough.  Among others were: I am loved.  I am a great mother.  I will have a healthy baby.  I am strong.  I am worthy.

If my emotions really are just energy movements within my body then I want them to produce self love.  It’s easy to get caught up in what’s gone wrong in our lives.  Admittedly, I do.  Nothing will negate or take away my pain of losing Lion and Sam but I can always come back to my center, which I’m learning is full of light.

I share this photo not to boast (my beautiful yoga teacher always reminds us that yoga is much more than just poses) but as a reminder of the energy that is moving in my body.  I decided to place some confidence in myself today while I was alone.  Before this afternoon, I wasn’t able to get my feet on the wall.  I would always tell myself something silly such as I could break my neck.  My arms weren’t strong enough.  Maybe now isn’t the time.  Today I decided it’s okay to fall.  I am strong.  Now is the time.

What’s happened to me doesn’t define who I am.  It’s a part of my story that’s still being created.

My first ever headstand.