Blessing Amidst Disappointment.

During my pregnancy I read a few different books and articles on breastfeeding.  So many times people asked me if I planned to breastfeed and I always had.  After Sam was born I was told I would still produce milk because Sam was a late term loss.  The only way to suppress the milk is to bind…

Broken hearts.

Today my heart feels broken.  Instead of welcoming Sam into the world, I'm reminded we're left in a world without him.  I sat quietly in his room this morning looking at all of his things and remembering the memories associated with them.  Our hearts were beyond prepared for his arrival.  My heart aches that he was never able to sleep in…

Due Date

   Tomorrow was Sam's due date.  I don't have many words to describe how I feel today or how I will feel tomorrow.  Instead I've decided to share pictures of my growing belly over the last 40 weeks.  I am beyond thankful to have carried Sam with me for 36 of them. During the last…

Your presence.

Something I wasn't prepared for is how physical grief can be. I'll never forget the morning Ted and I left the hospital.  We decided the day before to take the morning easy and leave on our own time later in the afternoon.  We woke up and Ted went down to Starbucks located inside the hospital…

Painful love.

Some days I just feel empty. Today is one of those days. It's hard to explain the emotional highs and lows we experience as bereaved parents but I might imagine it's something like the highs and lows you experience as  any parent.  Pain that comes flooding in because of your great love for your child. …

God measures life by love.

My life is new. My life is new in a completely different way than I had ever anticipated.  Instead of experiencing a 'new' life together with Sam, Ted and I are living a 'new' life without him.  We had prepared our hearts for all the joy first time parents experience with their babies.  Instead, we trudge forward,…