Remember Your Divinity.

I've been contemplating yoga teacher training for awhile now. Over the weekend I went to Inner Spring's teacher training open house. I don't actually see myself as a teacher, just someone who loves yoga and craves a deeper understanding of its role in my life. When I think of my loss journey my asana practice…

When There Is No Choice. 

It begs to be addressed how disheartened I feel each time I’ve logged into Facebook since the final presidential debate. I did not watch the debate.  I watched the prior two and I decided my heart needed a rest but choosing not to watch didn’t protect me from immediately hearing other people’s opinions about it.  Abortion; a…

Ember to Ashes.

Earlier this week Ted decided it would be a good idea to call our grief counselor and schedule a time to see him.  Jim, our counselor, scheduled us to come in right away.  The last time we saw him, around five months ago, we left our time together open ended because we all agreed Ted…

Let It Be Me.

I exist in a state drifting somewhere between comprehending that Sam is no longer the baby of our family and heart broken because physically he always will be. Two nights ago before I fell asleep I knew when I woke up my sweetest niece Vivienne would be entering the world today.  It's the craziest thing…

The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.

Here it is.  The announcement that never came in the onesie that still did. I remember scanning pages and pages of big brother onesies that fit newborns.  Most 'big brother' shirts only come in t-shirt sizes.  Most Moms only announce their second child after their first has had time to grow. A black onesie -…

Great Love. Great Life. Great Loss.

I just got home from a busy day at work to be met by a pretty expensive bill from our hospital.  They keep rolling in much like they did after Sam's birth.  No one talks about these thousand dollar bills that come after your baby has died.  Instead of paying for postnatal care you're paying…

Day 5 – Unspoken.

I don't have anything motivating or moving to write about today. Day 5 - Unspoken. Sometimes the unspeakable happens.  I took a phone call this morning from a nurse at my OB's office who informed me that Lion's pathology testing came back and everything looked normal.  The bad news?  The lab tech accidentally put the…

Day 4 – Support Circles.

It was the beginning of this year that I really realized how fortunate I am to have my community.  Today's prompt is about our support circles as bereaved parents.  "A friend, family member or organization that has been there for you.."  A particular group that we've found healing in our journey. I'd be amiss if…

Day 3 – What It Felt Like.

I've been thinking about today's blog all day.  What It Felt Like - "..give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing a certain experience.."  I've been playing over in my mind what feeling is most important to capture this year. Do I share about the…

Day 2 – Who They Are.

Sam Benjamin Newton {May 24, 2015} Our sweetest Sam was born at 36.5 weeks.  He was delivered at six pounds, one ounce. Our Little Lion {September 19, 2016} I miscarried our rainbow baby "lion" at eight weeks pregnant. For both of our babies, who they are is much more than their birth that was simultaneously…