A journey of life, loss & all the beautiful things in between.
Yesterday my dad got nominated by a fellow Marine who is a friend of mine to do 22 pushups to raise awareness of veteran suicide. I videotaped my 65 year old dad, a retired LtCol from the Marine Corps, do 44 pushups (for two days, he said) with ease. I smiled watching him and thought…
Continue reading ➞ Grief isn’t having your candidate lose. You aren’t mourning – you’re pissed off.
It's Halloween. Another holiday. This day isn't particularly important to me and last year, my first without Sam, I didn't feel sad that I was missing out on it. This year feels a bit different. He's another year older. Almost two. Tonight I might be dressing him up anyways just to stroll him around town…
I watched a documentary the other night in bed called E-Motion. It delved into how our emotions affect our physical bodies. It was a new insight that our emotions are really just energy movements within our bodies. I shared on Instagram how I loved being reminded that I co-create my life and if it's healing…
I've been contemplating yoga teacher training for awhile now. Over the weekend I went to Inner Spring's teacher training open house. I don't actually see myself as a teacher, just someone who loves yoga and craves a deeper understanding of its role in my life. When I think of my loss journey my asana practice…
It begs to be addressed how disheartened I feel each time I’ve logged into Facebook since the final presidential debate. I did not watch the debate. I watched the prior two and I decided my heart needed a rest but choosing not to watch didn’t protect me from immediately hearing other people’s opinions about it. Abortion; a…
Earlier this week Ted decided it would be a good idea to call our grief counselor and schedule a time to see him. Jim, our counselor, scheduled us to come in right away. The last time we saw him, around five months ago, we left our time together open ended because we all agreed Ted…
I exist in a state drifting somewhere between comprehending that Sam is no longer the baby of our family and heart broken because physically he always will be. Two nights ago before I fell asleep I knew when I woke up my sweetest niece Vivienne would be entering the world today. It's the craziest thing…
Here it is. The announcement that never came in the onesie that still did. I remember scanning pages and pages of big brother onesies that fit newborns. Most 'big brother' shirts only come in t-shirt sizes. Most Moms only announce their second child after their first has had time to grow. A black onesie -…
Continue reading ➞ The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.
I just got home from a busy day at work to be met by a pretty expensive bill from our hospital. They keep rolling in much like they did after Sam's birth. No one talks about these thousand dollar bills that come after your baby has died. Instead of paying for postnatal care you're paying…
I don't have anything motivating or moving to write about today. Day 5 - Unspoken. Sometimes the unspeakable happens. I took a phone call this morning from a nurse at my OB's office who informed me that Lion's pathology testing came back and everything looked normal. The bad news? The lab tech accidentally put the…
Thinking of Sam 