Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…
Tag: Grief Work
Seeing the Unseen.
As we grow older we learn that the things we really want for Christmas are not things at all. If I had it my way, Santa would bring me Sam. I took the day off work today to prepare for our annual friends White Elephant Christmas Party. My morning started by greeting our plumber who…
Tears Like Rain.
I had my hair highlighted yesterday by my girlfriend, Jessica. I love getting my hair done. We agreed it’s like a fresh start once you look in the mirror and think to yourself man, my hair looks bad. This morning I woke up determined to make it a good day. I rose early, showered, fixed my…
Looking for Stars.
I've been writing a lot in my journal this month as opposed to my blog. It's as though the thoughts that fill its pages are somehow too sacred to share. The real grief that ever so often floods my space and takes over my heart. As I inch closer to two years without Sam I…
Grief isn’t having your candidate lose. You aren’t mourning – you’re pissed off.
Yesterday my dad got nominated by a fellow Marine who is a friend of mine to do 22 pushups to raise awareness of veteran suicide. I videotaped my 65 year old dad, a retired LtCol from the Marine Corps, do 44 pushups (for two days, he said) with ease. I smiled watching him and thought…
Continue reading ➞ Grief isn’t having your candidate lose. You aren’t mourning – you’re pissed off.
Discernment In Suffering.
It's Halloween. Another holiday. This day isn't particularly important to me and last year, my first without Sam, I didn't feel sad that I was missing out on it. This year feels a bit different. He's another year older. Almost two. Tonight I might be dressing him up anyways just to stroll him around town…
Energy Movements.
I watched a documentary the other night in bed called E-Motion. It delved into how our emotions affect our physical bodies. It was a new insight that our emotions are really just energy movements within our bodies. I shared on Instagram how I loved being reminded that I co-create my life and if it's healing…
Ember to Ashes.
Earlier this week Ted decided it would be a good idea to call our grief counselor and schedule a time to see him. Jim, our counselor, scheduled us to come in right away. The last time we saw him, around five months ago, we left our time together open ended because we all agreed Ted…
Day 3 – What It Felt Like.
I've been thinking about today's blog all day. What It Felt Like - "..give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing a certain experience.." I've been playing over in my mind what feeling is most important to capture this year. Do I share about the…
Deep Grief and Great Love.
A constant state of emptiness surrounds me. A hole, now larger than the size of Sam ripped open to make room for Lion, exists within me. Before we were discharged from the ER, three different nurses on three different occasions had the lack of bedside manner to wish me a "Happy Early Birthday". They were…
Thinking of Sam 