Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…
Tag: Grief
Grief isn’t having your candidate lose. You aren’t mourning – you’re pissed off.
Yesterday my dad got nominated by a fellow Marine who is a friend of mine to do 22 pushups to raise awareness of veteran suicide. I videotaped my 65 year old dad, a retired LtCol from the Marine Corps, do 44 pushups (for two days, he said) with ease. I smiled watching him and thought…
Continue reading ➞ Grief isn’t having your candidate lose. You aren’t mourning – you’re pissed off.
Day 1 – Sunrise.
It's Saturday, October 1st at 10:30 in the morning and I am writing with half my body still wrapped up under the covers of my bed. Monday through Friday I wake up before the sunrise. I've gone rogue for this mornings Capture Your Grief project by sleeping in. As I lay here in the quiet…
Stitch Fixing Myself Together.
Tonight marks the last Wednesday night golf scramble or so I'm told by my husband. Another Wednesday night where I can get stuff done (or not) while he's out with the guys. Ted asked me what I was going to do tonight to which I replied, "Oh, I'll find something!" Fall is quickly closing in…
Deep Grief and Great Love.
A constant state of emptiness surrounds me. A hole, now larger than the size of Sam ripped open to make room for Lion, exists within me. Before we were discharged from the ER, three different nurses on three different occasions had the lack of bedside manner to wish me a "Happy Early Birthday". They were…
Inside I’m Screaming.
Do you remember being a child and wanting something really bad? Then your parents tell you you cannot have it and immediately, your response is to break down. It doesn't matter where you are. There's no relief because you're not getting what you want so you throw a fit. You cry and you scream and…
A Bereaved Mother.
Rainbow babies. I don't ever write about them here - or at least I haven't until now. Do you know how to confirm you're not pregnant? By holding the pee stick up to the light. Any glimmer of hope that maybe your eyes seeing with old contacts might be missing a second line will be…
A Thousand Years.
I've often heard Ted share that a difficult part of his journey as a loss Dad revolves around watching me and the pain that ebbs and flows so easily in my life. I remember sitting in grief counseling with him one night and he shared, "Abby was just so excited to become a Mom" and…
I’m OK.
I saw this photo and found it fitting. I'm broken, it reads. It resonates with me on so many levels. So often I answer, "I'm okay" when someone asks me how I'm doing. Most of the time I mean it. I am okay. But faintly written on the outskirts of my response is my heart's…
Flood Yourself with Love.
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and he asked me how I was with God. It didn't take much time for me to respond, "For the first time in my life, I'm really not sure." I shared with him that often times I wonder - why me, to which his voice returns…
Thinking of Sam 