I've been crying tonight. I laid next to Ted in bed and shared how sad I feel. I told him that the last time I remember being genuinely happy was on my birthday two years ago. Ted took me to Madison, Indiana for the weekend where we were carefree in our celebrations. As life has…
Tag: Grief
You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are.
This morning I found myself stretching into a longer Virabhadrasana II in response to my teacher lovingly telling me to lengthen myself across my mat. Once I settled back into the pose she said, "You are stronger than you think you are." I awoke wondering what freedom might greet me today. I spent a fun weekend…
I am a Warrior.
Today Ted and I had lunch at one of my favorite lunch spots in downtown New Albany. When we arrived we sat across the small restaurant from a fairly new family of four. There was a beautiful Mama and Dad with their twin boys who definitely weren't enjoying lunch as much as the rest of…
The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.
I was driving home from work today, crying like I typically do. I've come to realize over the - what's about to be - five months that before Sam died, I really had no concept of the possible depths of my sadness. My greatest hope then, is that I really have no sense of the possible…
Continue reading ➞ The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.
Growing Up with Dolls.
I recently found a company, Bears 4 Absent Babies, who make personalized bears for Mamas who have lost their babies. My Sam Bear arrived about two weeks ago. He is six pounds, one ounce and 19.5 inches long; just as my sweet Sam was. I find myself cuddling him a little extra this morning. Last…
Happiness & Normalcy.
I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. Mostly because life has kept us busy and that's something to celebrate! The last few weeks have felt magical. We flew to Naples, Florida and stayed at Ted's parents house just the two of us. I didn't realize how refreshing and rejuvenating the trip would be until…
Falling & Getting Back Up.
One of my biggest anxieties is returning to work, seeing the faces of people I love and continuing on in life without Sam. This morning before I left for yoga class I had committed myself to going to work to drop off a transcript I've been working on from home. Having the work has been…
Maybes and Possibilities.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. The five stages of grief according to the Kübler-Ross model. Unless I'm still in denial (which I don't think I am) I'm not sure I fit anywhere in particular on this scale. The stages that books, nurses and counselors tell me we will jump to and from in no specific order.…
Your presence.
Something I wasn't prepared for is how physical grief can be. I'll never forget the morning Ted and I left the hospital. We decided the day before to take the morning easy and leave on our own time later in the afternoon. We woke up and Ted went down to Starbucks located inside the hospital…
Thinking of Sam 