A Thousand Years.

I've often heard Ted share that a difficult part of his journey as a loss Dad revolves around watching me and the pain that ebbs and flows so easily in my life.  I remember sitting in grief counseling with him one night and he shared, "Abby was just so excited to become a Mom" and…

On Meditation.

One year ago today I discovered yoga and tonight, meditation. Tonight my yoga teacher started a summer series of a free community meditation wherein we focused on our breath.  We had a few minutes of time leftover after the guided meditation ended for an open discussion on what we experienced during our practice.  I was…

When Death Chose Me.

Tonight I had dinner with a dear friend and she asked me how I was doing.  She asked me how I was really doing.  Lately I've found that anyone who ever asks me that question anymore are loss Moms.  I love being asked with sincerity how I really feel.  I looked her in the eyes…

The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.

I was driving home from work today, crying like I typically do.  I've come to realize over the - what's about to be - five months that before Sam died, I really had no concept of the possible depths of my sadness.  My greatest hope then, is that I really have no sense of the possible…

Growing Up with Dolls.

I recently found a company, Bears 4 Absent Babies, who make personalized bears for Mamas who have lost their babies.  My Sam Bear arrived about two weeks ago.  He is six pounds, one ounce and 19.5 inches long; just as my sweet Sam was.  I find myself cuddling him a little extra this morning. Last…