Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…
Tag: miscarriage
Looking for Stars.
I've been writing a lot in my journal this month as opposed to my blog. It's as though the thoughts that fill its pages are somehow too sacred to share. The real grief that ever so often floods my space and takes over my heart. As I inch closer to two years without Sam I…
When There Is No Choice.
It begs to be addressed how disheartened I feel each time I’ve logged into Facebook since the final presidential debate. I did not watch the debate. I watched the prior two and I decided my heart needed a rest but choosing not to watch didn’t protect me from immediately hearing other people’s opinions about it. Abortion; a…
Ember to Ashes.
Earlier this week Ted decided it would be a good idea to call our grief counselor and schedule a time to see him. Jim, our counselor, scheduled us to come in right away. The last time we saw him, around five months ago, we left our time together open ended because we all agreed Ted…
The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.
Here it is. The announcement that never came in the onesie that still did. I remember scanning pages and pages of big brother onesies that fit newborns. Most 'big brother' shirts only come in t-shirt sizes. Most Moms only announce their second child after their first has had time to grow. A black onesie -…
Continue reading ➞ The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.
Day 2 – Who They Are.
Sam Benjamin Newton {May 24, 2015} Our sweetest Sam was born at 36.5 weeks. He was delivered at six pounds, one ounce. Our Little Lion {September 19, 2016} I miscarried our rainbow baby "lion" at eight weeks pregnant. For both of our babies, who they are is much more than their birth that was simultaneously…
Deep Grief and Great Love.
A constant state of emptiness surrounds me. A hole, now larger than the size of Sam ripped open to make room for Lion, exists within me. Before we were discharged from the ER, three different nurses on three different occasions had the lack of bedside manner to wish me a "Happy Early Birthday". They were…
Inside I’m Screaming.
Do you remember being a child and wanting something really bad? Then your parents tell you you cannot have it and immediately, your response is to break down. It doesn't matter where you are. There's no relief because you're not getting what you want so you throw a fit. You cry and you scream and…
Bleeding with a Broken Heart.
Meet Lion, I've been carrying her {Yes, her. I will never know but I thought our second baby was a girl. I thought Sam was a boy. Call it Mother's intuition.} around with me since yesterday. I've shared before but I'll share again that the day we left the hospital after Sam was born Ted…
Thinking of Sam 