Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…
Tag: stillbirth
Disassembling Sam’s Crib.
Today I was reminded there are no right and wrong choices when you're grieving; it just is. Christmas was a foggy day yesterday, theoretically and literally. I awoke to a fog that never left our tiny southern Indiana town. The weather was as confused as I was about the day, leaving a cloud over my…
Seeing the Unseen.
As we grow older we learn that the things we really want for Christmas are not things at all. If I had it my way, Santa would bring me Sam. I took the day off work today to prepare for our annual friends White Elephant Christmas Party. My morning started by greeting our plumber who…
Looking for Stars.
I've been writing a lot in my journal this month as opposed to my blog. It's as though the thoughts that fill its pages are somehow too sacred to share. The real grief that ever so often floods my space and takes over my heart. As I inch closer to two years without Sam I…
When There Is No Choice.
It begs to be addressed how disheartened I feel each time I’ve logged into Facebook since the final presidential debate. I did not watch the debate. I watched the prior two and I decided my heart needed a rest but choosing not to watch didn’t protect me from immediately hearing other people’s opinions about it. Abortion; a…
Ember to Ashes.
Earlier this week Ted decided it would be a good idea to call our grief counselor and schedule a time to see him. Jim, our counselor, scheduled us to come in right away. The last time we saw him, around five months ago, we left our time together open ended because we all agreed Ted…
The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.
Here it is. The announcement that never came in the onesie that still did. I remember scanning pages and pages of big brother onesies that fit newborns. Most 'big brother' shirts only come in t-shirt sizes. Most Moms only announce their second child after their first has had time to grow. A black onesie -…
Continue reading ➞ The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.
Day 3 – What It Felt Like.
I've been thinking about today's blog all day. What It Felt Like - "..give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing a certain experience.." I've been playing over in my mind what feeling is most important to capture this year. Do I share about the…
Day 2 – Who They Are.
Sam Benjamin Newton {May 24, 2015} Our sweetest Sam was born at 36.5 weeks. He was delivered at six pounds, one ounce. Our Little Lion {September 19, 2016} I miscarried our rainbow baby "lion" at eight weeks pregnant. For both of our babies, who they are is much more than their birth that was simultaneously…
Day 1 – Sunrise.
It's Saturday, October 1st at 10:30 in the morning and I am writing with half my body still wrapped up under the covers of my bed. Monday through Friday I wake up before the sunrise. I've gone rogue for this mornings Capture Your Grief project by sleeping in. As I lay here in the quiet…
Thinking of Sam 