Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…
Tag: stillborn awareness
Disassembling Sam’s Crib.
Today I was reminded there are no right and wrong choices when you're grieving; it just is. Christmas was a foggy day yesterday, theoretically and literally. I awoke to a fog that never left our tiny southern Indiana town. The weather was as confused as I was about the day, leaving a cloud over my…
Seeing the Unseen.
As we grow older we learn that the things we really want for Christmas are not things at all. If I had it my way, Santa would bring me Sam. I took the day off work today to prepare for our annual friends White Elephant Christmas Party. My morning started by greeting our plumber who…
Tears Like Rain.
I had my hair highlighted yesterday by my girlfriend, Jessica. I love getting my hair done. We agreed it’s like a fresh start once you look in the mirror and think to yourself man, my hair looks bad. This morning I woke up determined to make it a good day. I rose early, showered, fixed my…
Day 3 – What It Felt Like.
I've been thinking about today's blog all day. What It Felt Like - "..give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing a certain experience.." I've been playing over in my mind what feeling is most important to capture this year. Do I share about the…
Deep Grief and Great Love.
A constant state of emptiness surrounds me. A hole, now larger than the size of Sam ripped open to make room for Lion, exists within me. Before we were discharged from the ER, three different nurses on three different occasions had the lack of bedside manner to wish me a "Happy Early Birthday". They were…
Inside I’m Screaming.
Do you remember being a child and wanting something really bad? Then your parents tell you you cannot have it and immediately, your response is to break down. It doesn't matter where you are. There's no relief because you're not getting what you want so you throw a fit. You cry and you scream and…
A Thousand Years.
I've often heard Ted share that a difficult part of his journey as a loss Dad revolves around watching me and the pain that ebbs and flows so easily in my life. I remember sitting in grief counseling with him one night and he shared, "Abby was just so excited to become a Mom" and…
I’m OK.
I saw this photo and found it fitting. I'm broken, it reads. It resonates with me on so many levels. So often I answer, "I'm okay" when someone asks me how I'm doing. Most of the time I mean it. I am okay. But faintly written on the outskirts of my response is my heart's…
Flood Yourself with Love.
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and he asked me how I was with God. It didn't take much time for me to respond, "For the first time in my life, I'm really not sure." I shared with him that often times I wonder - why me, to which his voice returns…
Thinking of Sam 