Hard times, come again no more.

Recently Ted and I were watching a tv show where a daughter was being particularly hard on her mother. Her mother's friend said to the girl, "Be kind. Don't you think she's suffered enough for one lifetime?" Effortlessly tears began to fall as suffering has become a close friend of mine. But in reality, suffering…

Disassembling Sam’s Crib.

Today I was reminded there are no right and wrong choices when you're grieving; it just is.  Christmas was a foggy day yesterday, theoretically and literally.  I awoke to a fog that never left our tiny southern Indiana town.  The weather was as confused as I was about the day, leaving a cloud over my…

Seeing the Unseen.

As we grow older we learn that the things we really want for Christmas are not things at all. If I had it my way, Santa would bring me Sam. I took the day off work today to prepare for our annual friends White Elephant Christmas Party.  My morning started by greeting our plumber who…

Looking for Stars.

I've been writing a lot in my journal this month as opposed to my blog.  It's as though the thoughts that fill its pages are somehow too sacred to share.  The real grief that ever so often floods my space and takes over my heart.  As I inch closer to two years without Sam I…

The Announcement That Never Came In The Onesie That Still Did.

Here it is.  The announcement that never came in the onesie that still did. I remember scanning pages and pages of big brother onesies that fit newborns.  Most 'big brother' shirts only come in t-shirt sizes.  Most Moms only announce their second child after their first has had time to grow. A black onesie -…

Day 3 – What It Felt Like.

I've been thinking about today's blog all day.  What It Felt Like - "..give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing a certain experience.."  I've been playing over in my mind what feeling is most important to capture this year. Do I share about the…

Day 2 – Who They Are.

Sam Benjamin Newton {May 24, 2015} Our sweetest Sam was born at 36.5 weeks.  He was delivered at six pounds, one ounce. Our Little Lion {September 19, 2016} I miscarried our rainbow baby "lion" at eight weeks pregnant. For both of our babies, who they are is much more than their birth that was simultaneously…