Rainbow babies. I don't ever write about them here - or at least I haven't until now. Do you know how to confirm you're not pregnant? By holding the pee stick up to the light. Any glimmer of hope that maybe your eyes seeing with old contacts might be missing a second line will be…
Tag: stillborn
A Thousand Years.
I've often heard Ted share that a difficult part of his journey as a loss Dad revolves around watching me and the pain that ebbs and flows so easily in my life. I remember sitting in grief counseling with him one night and he shared, "Abby was just so excited to become a Mom" and…
I’m OK.
I saw this photo and found it fitting. I'm broken, it reads. It resonates with me on so many levels. So often I answer, "I'm okay" when someone asks me how I'm doing. Most of the time I mean it. I am okay. But faintly written on the outskirts of my response is my heart's…
Flood Yourself with Love.
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and he asked me how I was with God. It didn't take much time for me to respond, "For the first time in my life, I'm really not sure." I shared with him that often times I wonder - why me, to which his voice returns…
You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are.
This morning I found myself stretching into a longer Virabhadrasana II in response to my teacher lovingly telling me to lengthen myself across my mat. Once I settled back into the pose she said, "You are stronger than you think you are." I awoke wondering what freedom might greet me today. I spent a fun weekend…
When Death Chose Me.
Tonight I had dinner with a dear friend and she asked me how I was doing. She asked me how I was really doing. Lately I've found that anyone who ever asks me that question anymore are loss Moms. I love being asked with sincerity how I really feel. I looked her in the eyes…
Silent Nights.
I was so physically exhausted towards the end of my work day today that when a co-worker requested someone go two floors down to pick up some paperwork I sheepishly asked an office mate to do it. I was too afraid if I stood up and walked down the stairs, I might not make it back…
Capture Your Grief – A Self Portrait.
Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know I attempted to take part in the 'Capture Your Grief' project. Capture Your Grief is an event hosted in the month of October which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. There are 31 subjects, one for each day in the month of October. …
The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.
I was driving home from work today, crying like I typically do. I've come to realize over the - what's about to be - five months that before Sam died, I really had no concept of the possible depths of my sadness. My greatest hope then, is that I really have no sense of the possible…
Continue reading ➞ The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.
Holidays. Holi-daze.
As cooler temperatures are upon us, fall festivals approaching and the holidays around the corner I can't help but think of Sam. My birthday is in two weeks and I know exactly what I was doing this time last year. Ted took me on a get-away, mini-vacation for the weekend to Madison, Indiana where we…
Thinking of Sam 