Well, okay. It’s 8:52 pm. It’s late to me. A new-ish Mom. A Mom to a six month old who, fingers crossed, has just fallen asleep for the night.
I washed my sheets today. For me, that’s a big deal. I love clean sheets. And I’m the wife who doesn’t do it nearly enough. It’s a big enough deal to me that at dinner I exclaimed to Ted, “Guess what! I washed our sheets today!”
Tonight I nursed Norah and Ted laid her down in her Rock n’ Play, as we do each night. About thirty minutes later she started crying, as predicted. I nursed her a little more and could tell it wasn’t milk she wanted; but to burp.
I threw her over my shoulder and patted her sweet back for fresh milk to come pouring into a puddle right where I lay my head. Sheeesh, I thought. Aloud I said, “I can’t catch a break.” So much for the clean sheets.
But as soon as her milk came up, Norah nuzzled my neck. I got out of bed and swayed her to sleep. I dug my nose into the nape of her neck and thought to myself, this is my life. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
It’s okay that my sheets smell like milk. I welcome it. It’s okay that I shower maybe every other day. I welcome it. It’s okay that Norah might wake in the middle of the night for some extra cuddles. I welcome it. It’s okay that not everything on my to-do list got completed today, that Norah likes to fall asleep in my arms at this moment in her life, and that we don’t follow all of the nurse practitioners advice.
I called my Mom tonight after Ted and I left counseling and jokingly shared, “Good news! We graduated!” Another mentor who leaves our next session up to us. We sat with him tonight and I shared how happy I am. How truly content I feel.
And you all, it’s okay to be okay. I welcome it.