A journey of life, loss & all the beautiful things in between.
I was driving home from work today, crying like I typically do. I've come to realize over the - what's about to be - five months that before Sam died, I really had no concept of the possible depths of my sadness. My greatest hope then, is that I really have no sense of the possible…
Continue reading ➞ The Depths of Sadness. The Breadth of Happiness.
I recently found a company, Bears 4 Absent Babies, who make personalized bears for Mamas who have lost their babies. My Sam Bear arrived about two weeks ago. He is six pounds, one ounce and 19.5 inches long; just as my sweet Sam was. I find myself cuddling him a little extra this morning. Last…
As cooler temperatures are upon us, fall festivals approaching and the holidays around the corner I can't help but think of Sam. My birthday is in two weeks and I know exactly what I was doing this time last year. Ted took me on a get-away, mini-vacation for the weekend to Madison, Indiana where we…
It's funny what we spend our energy on when we're preparing for the arrival of a baby. I spent all the extra minutes of my day making sure everything was just perfect for Sam when he arrived. Ted likes to joke that I started "nesting" the moment I found out we were pregnant. To a…
I write to you from the comfort of my car. It's been awhile! I've missed blogging but I've realized how hard it can be to pour your emotions into writing after spending a day working. I'm in my car at 10 A.M. because a sweet friend, who previously had my job, is visiting work with…
I almost made it through an entire day of work. So damn close. Today was my first full day back to work and I was so excited about it last night that I had a hard time sleeping. I was excited to wake up, fix my hair, have purpose to my day, see people I…
I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. Mostly because life has kept us busy and that's something to celebrate! The last few weeks have felt magical. We flew to Naples, Florida and stayed at Ted's parents house just the two of us. I didn't realize how refreshing and rejuvenating the trip would be until…
I write to you from the sky. My mom has previously told me when she flew she felt closer to Sam. I didn't understand until today. But looking out my window and over the clouds has made me feel just a little closer to Sam's spirit; above the earth and closer to the heavens. This…
A lot of thoughts and emotions roll through your mind when you're laying in your hospital bed awaiting your c-section. I was prepped for surgery the same night we went to the hospital and received the news Sam was still. The next morning, awaiting his birth, I remember being anxious for all of the unknowns. …
Wishing a peace filled day to Max and his parents. This Mama captures so perfectly the love we have for our little boys that at times, can seem so far away. “I will grieve for the rest of my life for everything he was and everything he could have been. ..All I can do is…
Thinking of Sam 