I've often heard Ted share that a difficult part of his journey as a loss Dad revolves around watching me and the pain that ebbs and flows so easily in my life. I remember sitting in grief counseling with him one night and he shared, "Abby was just so excited to become a Mom" and…
I’m OK.
I saw this photo and found it fitting. I'm broken, it reads. It resonates with me on so many levels. So often I answer, "I'm okay" when someone asks me how I'm doing. Most of the time I mean it. I am okay. But faintly written on the outskirts of my response is my heart's…
Flood Yourself with Love.
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and he asked me how I was with God. It didn't take much time for me to respond, "For the first time in my life, I'm really not sure." I shared with him that often times I wonder - why me, to which his voice returns…
Grief.
I've been crying tonight. I laid next to Ted in bed and shared how sad I feel. I told him that the last time I remember being genuinely happy was on my birthday two years ago. Ted took me to Madison, Indiana for the weekend where we were carefree in our celebrations. As life has…
On Meditation.
One year ago today I discovered yoga and tonight, meditation. Tonight my yoga teacher started a summer series of a free community meditation wherein we focused on our breath. We had a few minutes of time leftover after the guided meditation ended for an open discussion on what we experienced during our practice. I was…
You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are.
This morning I found myself stretching into a longer Virabhadrasana II in response to my teacher lovingly telling me to lengthen myself across my mat. Once I settled back into the pose she said, "You are stronger than you think you are." I awoke wondering what freedom might greet me today. I spent a fun weekend…
When Death Chose Me.
Tonight I had dinner with a dear friend and she asked me how I was doing. She asked me how I was really doing. Lately I've found that anyone who ever asks me that question anymore are loss Moms. I love being asked with sincerity how I really feel. I looked her in the eyes…
In Silence & Stillness.
I remember when I took my first trip alone in high school to California to visit my friends Melinda and Andrea. As soon as I got off the airplane it was like an entire new world to me. They lovingly laughed at me because for the first two days I became oddly silent. Even I…
I am a Warrior.
Today Ted and I had lunch at one of my favorite lunch spots in downtown New Albany. When we arrived we sat across the small restaurant from a fairly new family of four. There was a beautiful Mama and Dad with their twin boys who definitely weren't enjoying lunch as much as the rest of…
Love, And You Shall Be Loved.
I arrived home this afternoon to the most beautiful card from my Mama Sister, Jenn. The cover says Love, and you shall be loved. Love has had an overriding theme of Sam's life. Often times I would hold my belly when I was pregnant and ask Ted, "Do you think he knows?" And Ted would…
Thinking of Sam 